


All Along the Watchtower

by Trekkele



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bones showing up more than he did in the moview, Dadmiral Christopher Pike, Gen, Surprise guest - Freeform, Temporary Character Death, a tragic lack of nyota uhura, also the surprise character is not tagged, dad!Pike, featuring: a mystery crossover that is basically a cameo, he gets better duh, i'll let you know, someday i'll write an essay on that, the prime directive and why its full of shit, this may possibly a series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:10:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14697693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trekkele/pseuds/Trekkele
Summary: Conversation in the Officers Break room are bound to be interesting.Especially at 4:00 am.And even more so when both parties where recently dead.





	All Along the Watchtower

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has almost all my favorite things to write in one place.

She didn’t acknowledge him when he came in. It would be strange, since she was working through several reports, and she knew he’d just shuffle awkwardly around the conversation. Better to let him quietly make a coffee and sit in the officers mess, mutually ignoring the each other.

It’s not like she needed to ask him for details. Everyone knew what happened. Or, everyone knew what had officially happened, and what had unofficially happened, and what could not possibly be what happened. He had almost died of radiation poisoning, and only the rapid action and frankly dubious science of his CMO and Science Officer had saved his life.

(The rumors about super-blood were ridiculous. And insulting. They were members of StarFleet, how could they possibly believe such awful, baseless science. It was impossible. And ridiculous. She absolutely didn’t read every report looking for more information.)

She kept an eye on him though, curious how someone who should be dead likes his coffee. Apparently, with honey and cream. How mundane.

“Morning Jim”

She’d noticed the Admiral come in of course. She noticed everyone who came into the mess at this hour. Was it morning already…oh. Yes, well, it was definitely closer to morning now.

“Holy sh-…give a man a little warning, Chris!”

Captain Kirk whirled around to face Admiral Pike, spilling his coffee across the counter top. “Sneaking up on people is a bad idea at the best of times. “

Pike watched him mop up the spilled coffee and start the machine again. One of the officers perks was an old fashioned coffee machine, with real coffee. Even she could admit that replicators simply didn’t match up.

“James -“

"Don’t call me that"

”- right, Jim, we need to talk. “

Mixing sugar and milk into his new cup of coffee, he handed to Pike before turning back to the machine.

“About what? The fact that I thought you were dead for 15 days? Or that I actually was dead for 14 days? Or maybe about the massive cluster-fuck that is both our careers right now?” Pike watched Kirk make his own cup of coffee, politely ignoring the slight tremors in his hands that made the creamer pour out in an irregular stream, splashing against the walls of the StarFleet (standard issue) mug.

“You know, the only other person I’ve seen use honey in their coffee is Lieutenant Commander Sato.”

“Hmm..?,” Kirk smiled over the edge of his cup. “Oh, yeah. She kind of messed me up with that one. Coffee doesn’t taste the same with sugar, and do you have any idea how hard it is to replicate proper tasting honey?” They had moved while talking, sitting down at one of the small tables by the bay windows.

It was awkward, past the small talk, the way they didn’t know how to start, staring at their cups, at the windows, never at each other. Pike seemed to start saying something, shook his head stayed silent. Kirk, for his part, stared out the window and cradled his cup like it was a lifeline.

“We lost 30 people,” the rasping voice was so unsuited to the normally bright young captain that she almost turned around to see if someone else had managed to sneak in. He swallowed, “We lost 30 people, and it could have been more, would have been more, except he tipped his hand too early, and we got lucky and everyone was prepared. I…how can we do this?” His voice rose slightly, right hand letting go of its mug shaped anchor to wave around erratically (dramatically, she thought, but maybe he was justified in some dramatics.)

“And they’re just…giving it back. They should have my fucking commission for this and they’re just giving me the Enterprise, giving me the same thing I almost destroyed, as if…as if I didn’t just … How can we do this Chris?” He finished on a whisper, the words seeming to drain out of him, hanging between the two men.

“Why didn’t you kill him?”

“What?”

“Harrison. Kahn. You had orders to kill him. Even if you didn’t fire at Q'onos, even if you didn’t use the torpedoes, you could have killed him. You didn’t. Why?” Pike leaned back in his seat, obviously satisfied at the confusion on Kirk’s face.

“Go on Kirk, report. “

Almost subconsciously, it seemed, Kirk straightened up and began speaking, tapping his fingers on the table

“Spock advised against it initially. He didn’t trust - he found the orders strange. StarFleet never gives a kill on sight order, and here we were, told to bring him back in a body bag. But… I was angry. I was so, so angry, Chris. I mean, it’s been a fair amount of time since…

I thought I had forgotten how that kind of rage feels. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to watch him die. But Spock was right, and something just felt ..off. I know what you’re trying to do,” he interrupts himself, pointing at Pike as if he was accusing him, “But you need to understand, I would have. I would have killed him if Spock hadn’t kept pushing back, if Bones hadn’t kept pointing out how strange these orders felt.”

“Here’s the thing, Jim,“ Pike puts his hands together, the way some people pray. She wonders if this conversation is a kind of prayer too, between two men so desperate to stop playing gods.

"You wanted to kill him, but you didn’t. You say it’s because of Spock. Because of Bones. Because of the people you deliberately chose to surround yourself with. But Spock’s just the first officer. Bones is just the CMO. Technically, the orders you were given came from an Admiral. A crooked one, yeah, but you didn’t know that at the time. Had you killed him, and yes, you could have killed him, it would have been, to borrow a phrase, logical. After all, Starfleet gave the order, seemed to have tried and sentenced him without you.

And yet you chose to listen, because as angry as you were, you knew, more than you knew you wanted vengeance, that something was wrong. And than you decided to actually speak to him, to give the accused a voice. To try, on some level, to understand him. Because more than you wanted vengeance, and I don’t deny that you did, you wanted justice. And you were willing to sacrifice one for the other. That’s equally important here.”

Kirk’s elbows were on the table, hands buried in his hair. His whole posture screamed “maybe you’re right, but I still don’t agree.”

Pike sighed, leaning forward and placing a hand on his shoulder. “The truth is kid, we knew something was coming. StarFleet doesn’t get that rotten without someone sniffing it out first. We knew someone was taking an interest in you, in your missions, in how you responded to orders. The reports you sent in. How far you pushed the walls. We didn’t know who, but me and Archer noticed it a while back and realized someone was going to try and use you, use your reputation and try and manipulate the situation around you. Initially we thought they’d try and take you out, as an example. But based on the information we were getting, they needed you in the captain’s chair for something. ” Pike sighed, sliding his mug between his palms.

“Honestly, the Nibiru situation gave us the perfect opportunity to get you out. We figured the best way to keep them off your back was to have you fall from grace. And Jim, I apologize, but we really thought.. we really thought it was for the best. That the chair was too much for you. And if you weren’t StarFleet’s golden boy, maybe you’d be safe, maybe you’d have the time to grow into it like we thought you would.

But we played right into his hands. Unbalanced you, made you second guess yourself, and than Marcus - he manipulated both of us. Not telling you I survived was his ace in the hole. But he underestimated you Jim. I think - we all did.”

“You were dead. You were dead, and all I could think about was how disappointed you were with me when… “ Kirk stared out over Pikes shoulder, Pike struggling to say something, anything.

“We would have had to watch them die. You asked me what I was thinking. That’s - that’s what I was thinking. When the Volcano erupted, most of the population would die, not instantly, burnt alive by the lava as it covered their settlements. And we would have to stay, in orbit, unable to do anything, as the rest of them suffocated on the ashes. And all I could think about, was how we would have stayed, and meticulously recorded every minute, and _how many genocides can one man witness,_ Chris?“ he turned blue eyes suddenly far too large for his face to Admiral Pike. “How many times can I watch people die, _doing nothing_?

And the worst of it was, the what if's. What if someone survived? What if they survived, and rebuilt, and what if, centuries from now, millennium from now, they join us in the stars, and they find our records. Meticulous, detailed, records. The first time StarFleet visited their planet. And they see that we did nothing. How could we face them than? What would we say? “I’m sorry, but we never thought history would care?” You know I can’t… I couldn’t do nothing.

I couldn’t let an entire civilization die because we think we know what’s right. You asked me, before this whole thing started, why I think I can play god. But the thing is Chris, the thing is, in all the stories, all the things I’ve seen, only gods think they get to decide who deserves their help. Only gods get to let people die. And I’ve found that people? people are the ones who try and save everyone. People are the ones who help even the ones who don’t know yet how to ask."

Kirk was almost whispering, almost singing the ideas into his half-empty mug.

"Maybe the prime directive is just people, trying to pretend they aren’t playing god, choosing who lives, who dies, who deserves our help. Maybe the Prime Directive is to boldly go, seeking out new life forms, preserving new life, even the ones who don’t know how to ask, but need our help. Maybe, Chris, maybe I was wrong. But if I saved one life. Just one. I think I can live with being wrong ”

Even from where she was sitting, she knew Pike was smiling.

“I’ve never heard it said like that Jimmy, but you’re not - you’re not wrong. Sometimes not being able to ask for help just means you need it more,” he sipped his coffee, staring at Kirk, staring at his hands.

“But here’s the thing Jim. They are giving you the Enterprise. They are giving you a commendation, and the fucking medal that goes with it. And I’m alive, despite reports otherwise. And you’re alive, despite your best efforts- ”

“hey!”

“ - quiet brat I’m being poetic. So the best you can do, is learn from your mistakes. Plan a better exit next time, build a better warp core, and always listen when your officers speak. Always get officers you’ll listen too, even when they disagree. Especially than. And sometimes all we can do is hope we crash in the water and not on the shore. And sometimes, one life..yeah, sometimes saving even one life is what makes it worth it “

Kirk snorts into his coffee, smirking up at Pikes dramatic hand waving.

“You are getting poetic in your old age sir”

She gathered up her pads as the soft almost-sunlight and pleasant bickering followed her out of the mess. Captain Burnham smiled, sure that despite it all, StarFleet, and Captain Kirk, would do just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> I swear this wasn’t supposed to exist. Like, wow, this was supposed to be a short “How Pike is Alive!” headcanon, but it turned into “The Prime Directive is Made to Broken, Here’s Why.” But, I really really like the way it came out so {throws it into the void} have my poetic rambles. 
> 
> Also, Name Dropping cause I can. I have a longer fic where Michael and Jim actually, you know, interact. Sadly, it isn't written down yet.
> 
> Again, cross posted on tumblr, under the same name. Comments, kudos, or cookies are always welcome!


End file.
